je veux ta revanche.

this is me complaining.

i am now able to receive text messages and charge my phone properly, but it freezes up here and there, so you can expect a multitude of typing errors. if you want my number, shoot me an e-mail at wakingthesun at gmail with yours and your username and i might give you mine and we can text or something. i forget how dependent i am on a means of communication until it’s taken away from me. i was supposed to see new moon with several of my friends tonight, but i had to cancel those plans because i was told that i was obligated to attend some sort of family event. that never happened and i am now stuck at home, not that i’m suited to be out in my current state, anyway. the main reason i’ve been upset is that i’m not able to go washington and visit with mary and paris over winter break, as we’d all been planning, because the plane tickets alone cost just upwards of a thousand dollars. i don’t have that kind of money and my dad’s company no longer offers frequent flyer discounts to family members. i was so excited to see and be awesome with them and hang out in seattle and go shopping and watch movies and be there for new year’s and now, i have little to look forward to until my second tegan and sara concert in april. i’m almost unbearably disappointed and i honestly don’t know what i’m to do with myself that week. sure, there will be another time, but i’m growing sick of getting my hopes up, only to have them dashed before me, and having promises broken until there’s nothing left to break. i feel like just about every aspect of my life is disorganized, particularly when it comes to friends and my education, and i’m having trouble with my vision and i’m cold and i don’t want to cry anymore and everything aches and i just want to be held and gosh, i want so much, but i don’t know how i can possibly obtain it. i just whine about it like the obnoxious teenager i can be sometimes. i want to know what i could’ve done to deserve this, but i guess that’s the universal question, isn’t it? you’re all beautiful and i hope you’re doing well.